Trust me, you don't need to speak if you have a bad case of diarrhea! Reminds me of the time when I was in a JAL plane enroute to Los Angeles when I had a really, really bad case of diarrhea. It must have been the inflight sushi meal. The queue to the toilet was long and I badly had to go. Desperate needs called for desperate measures. Bending over double, I groaned loudly and pointed to my butt, faking excruciating pain. The person in front of the queue immediately gestured to me to take his place! See, no Japanese needed!
Enjoy this video of Japanese learning how to speak English.